Nukenin
by ParadigmShifter
Summary: Before Naruto leaves with Jiraiya, Akatsuki take him from the middle of Konoha. With Itachi's sanity fractured, events begin that will leave all who experience them changed.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Kishimoto Masashi owns Naruto and related characters. I do not.

Title: Nukenin

Author: Paradigm Shifter

Rating: Mature

Notes: Probably pointless little ficlet, but something that just wouldn't leave me alone.

Written to: Naruto OST

Thanks to: the reviewers for Underneath the Underneath, and Trevelyan for putting up with my crazy ideas.

-

"As a ninja, boy, you suck."

That statement had been bouncing round the head of the intended recipient for three days now, ever since the two Akatsuki members had abducted him. The three had not been travelling very quickly – Naruto was not about to go without a struggle, and so they had trussed him up like a turkey, which increased their speed slightly, but not enough for Itachi's liking. Kisame was carrying him, bound to the blade of Samehada. This served two purposes: the first was that it stopped him from struggling. The second was that any chakra Naruto channelled was instantly absorbed by the scaled blade.

'…as a ninja… I suck.' Naruto's mind could summon even the exact tone that Uchiha Itachi had used as it berated his weakness. Taken in his sleep from the very heart of Konoha…

How embarrassing.

Taught by Jiraiya himself, and still he hadn't even woken up until Kisame had accidentally brained him as the two Nukenin avoided a night patrol of Chuunin. That patrol wouldn't even have been there had Otogakure not have made several tentative strikes toward Konoha. As soon as Itachi had felt his chakra stir as he regained a (somewhat groggy) consciousness, he brained Naruto once more, again knocking him out cold.

The one thing you could not say about Akatsuki was that they were not daring: infiltrating Konoha while the whole village was on a war footing would be… well, to be honest it wouldn't be a whole lot more difficult than infiltrating it when they were at their normal alert. The first visit of Itachi and Kisame had been little more than an exploratory one. It proved that even with their vaunted Copy-nin, Konoha were not in any state to resist Akatsuki if they deigned to move in force to obtain the vessel of the Kyuubi no kitsune.

Even so, Naruto was not Konoha's 'Number One Surprising Ninja' for nothing – when he had woken up again about a mile from the village, he had vowed that the two Akatsuki agents were in for a shock if they thought he would go quietly.

That was what had led to them binding him to Samehada; the chakra devouring blade absorbing anything he tried to channel to use to escape. Itachi hadn't been too impressed at being tripped up and having branches randomly break as he landed on them as Naruto had tried anything he could think of to slow them down.

Once bound, though, Naruto was more or less helpless.

He was currently of the opinion that the only hope he had was to talk his captors to death. His or theirs…

"Itachi?"

The Akatsuki agent gave no visible sign that he had even heard Naruto, but something told the blonde-haired ninja that he was now the focus of Itachi's attention.

"How many people have you ever left alive?"

Itachi turned his head fractionally to glare at Naruto over the rim of his cloak. He remained silent.

"Because, I was thinking… I might suck as a ninja, but you kinda suck too…" he gulped as the glare intensified, "In a way, of course."

Kisame chuckled at the Jinchuuriki's rapid backtracking of his statement at the expression on Itachi's face.

Itachi growled at the shark-faced man before addressing Naruto, "Explain, boy."

"Answer my question first!"

Itachi turned away, and for several more minutes, there was an uneasy silence that was unbroken by anything except the small animals in the undergrowth below. Naruto had the distinct feeling that if he was not wanted as badly as he was by whoever this Akatsuki were – Jiraiya still hadn't told him all the details – he would have been dead as soon as Itachi could be bothered to draw a kunai.

The answer came abruptly.

"None."

"Nani? None what?" Naruto was confused for a moment, the silence having discomfited him to the point where he had forgotten his question.

Glowering at him again, Itachi elaborated, "I have never left anyone that I have fought and bettered, alive."

"Then you aren't a ninja." Naruto said, far more calmly than he felt at this stage, "You're a glorified assassin with a few fancy techniques."

Itachi paused, and looked at Naruto with a fair degree of surprise. "Ninja are whatever we are paid to be. Assassin, bodyguard, spy… it doesn't matter. We do what we must. You have never learnt that lesson if you have that opinion. Moreover, you are a naïve little boy who thinks he is playing a game…" the Sharingan flashed into existence, "make no mistake, _boy_; this is no game."

Naruto pondered this for a few moments longer, until he felt Kisame tense as if they were going to start moving again. "Then I was wrong – you aren't even worth the label of assassin. You're a thug with delusions of grandeur."

Itachi ignored him.

Naruto had spent long enough around Jiraiya to know that most people had several 'buttons' that could be pressed to do almost anything you wanted – anger them, please them… kill them. Jiraiya's were obvious: girls. Give him a girl (or multiple girls) and he was happy as a pig in muck. Kakashi's was his Icha Icha novels… Sasuke's 'button' was his brother. Naruto had no idea what Kisame's would be – although if he looked like that half-man-half-shark, he knew his button would be his vanity. Itachi's 'button', while likely no more obvious than Kisame's, gave him a place to start.

Drawing a deep breath, Naruto voiced the next taunt, "Did you enjoy killing your mother, weasel?"

Kisame smacked Naruto's head into the next tree trunk in an attempt to shut him up. "Don't let him get to you, Itachi… you know what he's trying."

"Hn," Itachi acknowledged, 'Yes, I know what he is trying to do,' he thought, 'and it is working...'

Naruto shook the fuzziness out of his thoughts from the impact, "Well, weasel? Did you? Did she scream as you killed her?"

"…Yes," Itachi whispered.

"What? I didn't quite catch that, weasel. What was that again? Did your mother scream and call your name as you killed her?! Well, did she!?"

Blazing eyes whipped round into Naruto's as Itachi rounded on him. "Yes!"

"Did you enjoy it? Well?"

Itachi snarled, "Yes!"

A loud scream signalled the end of whatever thread had been holding Itachi to sanity. Lightning fast, a kunai cut the ropes holding Naruto to Samehada and he fell to the ground hard. He groaned and rolled to his feet, bringing his hands together for a much needed Kage Bunshin no jutsu to give him time to think.

Kisame whirled away, putting some space between himself, Naruto and his partner, who was muttering dark curses with a wild look in his eyes. Itachi's Sharingan flashed on and off randomly as he looked about.

Naruto nearly wept as only two Kage Bunshin's appeared – he had put almost everything he could into that jutsu, knowing that overwhelming numbers might help him escape more than anything else. The plan had been to scatter clones in every direction hoping that Kisame and Itachi would go after any Naruto other than the real one.

Kisame readied himself as he stared down at Naruto, "You'll pay for that, boy. Trust me."

"Mother!" Itachi screamed, "Why?"

Naruto and his two Kage Bunshin retreated from the two Akatsuki agents, each drawing a kunai as they went. Kisame moved to follow, but Itachi's shout of, "Brother, I come for you!" drew his attention away. As his partner vanished into the forest in the direction of Konohagakure, Kisame cursed and followed. They had found Naruto once, and taken him from under the noses of his guardians – they could certainly do it again. Itachi going completely off the deep end was not a good sign. Of all the Akatsuki agents, Itachi had been the one most able to put the past behind him. Kisame did not know how the blonde brat had done what he had – opened the doors to Itachi's painful past – but when he got his partner back under control, the brat would pay dearly for it – that much was assured.

"Bastard fox," Naruto muttered. "That didn't exactly go the way I wanted… but hey, they end result was the same. I'm free…"

Naruto got up and looked around. He turned 1080 degrees trying to find anything that gave him a rough clue to his location.

"…Now… if only I knew where I was." He leapt for a tree branch but missed, landing hard on the ground beneath it. "Kuso. I guess that sword pulled more chakra out than I thought…"

-

Within the cage in Naruto's soul, the Kyuubi no kitsune had an expression akin to a scowl on its face.

'**Brat,'** it thought, **'I aid you, and you curse me. I was no more prepared to be pulled forcefully from you as you were to let it happen – the process likely would have killed the both of us.'**

There was no response. If the Kyuubi was to be completely honest, it did not really expect one. But it suited the demon's temper to rail against his captor.

'**Fool boy; when I get out of here, I'll do to your mind what I did that that cloaked weasels...'**

-

The pug appeared on the ground in front of his summoner, and raised a paw in stalwart greeting.

"Yo."

Kakashi wasted no time, already leaping off to the lower branches of the Konoha forests. The canine summon followed him without comment.

"Pakkun! Naruto is missing. A squad of Chuunin said they saw two figures in black cloaks fleeing. They were too far away to discern anything else."

The pug paused to snuffle the air.

"Naruto," he said, leaping away at an angle from Kakashi's original course, "and an Uchiha. And something that smells of fish…"

Kakashi's one visible eye became even more worried than it already had been, but he changed course and followed the pug without speaking.

Pakkun grumbled to himself as he bounded from branch to branch. "That blonde boy is certainly proving to be a handful… and that fish smell is making me hungry…"

-

EOF...

As much as anything else, this was a random idea that occurred to me after watching Naruto get (nearly) captured by Itachi and Kisame. It might not be the best idea out there, but it wouldn't leave me alone. I hope someone else out there likes it. There almost certainly will be more (especially since my beta seems to like the ideas that I've explained to him so far...) but reviews will, as usual, help the process.

Thanks for reading; and thanks even more if you review.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers in first chapter. Since you've got to read that first anyway (if you haven't already) why are you asking about a disclaimer here?

…

Well, second chapter. I don't think I've updated a fic this fast since well over a year ago. While this fic isn't going to be long (or at least, I don't intend it to be too long, as my muse isn't coping well with writing at all at the minute) it will still probably break the 50,000 word mark sooner or later.

Furthermore, this fic absolutely_ isn't_ going to be yaoi. So sorry if you think because of the characters I've place it under that it will be. It won't.

Finally (I don't normally do this, 'cause I forget…) thanks to my reviewers: xXShadowedfateXx, uzumaki misaki, BakaHammerGirl, kma3000, Meca Vegeta and yes, Moonlight black rose as well – although I think that UPDATE in caps about two hundred times is possibly one of the less useful reviews I've ever received…

To be honest, while I've got notes for several overall plot-arcs for this fic, nothing is set in stone. It could get rather dark, or it could end on a high-note (although the likelihood of it being 'happily ever after' is small…) I just act as secretary – my muse is the one with the plan. (grins)

-

"Hokage-sama!"

Tsunade looked up in irritation at being disturbed. She had only just gotten into the swing of this paperwork, damn it! It would take her _hours_ to manage to get her brain to that semi-numb state where mindless paperwork didn't make her want to slit her belly open… not to mention another exorbitantly large volume of sake.

"Hokage-sama Hokage-sama! We have a new intelligence report!" The jounin who had been unfortunate enough to be assigned to help her today rushed into her office waving a small scroll in panic.

Tsunade ripped it out of her hands and unrolled it slightly as the jounin halted in front of her desk. "So what does it say that has you so worried…?"

"Oh."

Tsunade continued reading.

"Oh my…"

She unrolled it a bit further, and went pale. She let go of the scroll, and it snapped shut before falling to the paper-mountain on her desk.

"Kuso!" Tsunade screamed and brought her fist down on the wood, not even aware of the splintering sound in her rage at her old team-mate.

She muttered something with a dark expression before stalking to the window and shouting out loud enough for the whole of Konoha to hear, "Jiraiya! Stop peeping at the women's baths and get your butt in here _right now_!"

Cue a lot of screaming coming from the women's baths as the toad hermit, sannin and self-proclaimed 'super-pervert' was spotted by one of the young women he was staring so avidly at.

Tsunade saw the plume of dust grow as the fleeing form of Jiraiya headed toward his summons.

Whether it was for death or saviour, he did not know.

All he knew was that if he stayed, he would be beaten to within an inch of his life – and there were a _lot_ of young women in that bath that day. It would take a long time for those bruises to heal…

Tsunade looked at her office. The jounin was at the door, trying to quietly exit as unobtrusively as possible.

"And GET ME A NEW DESK!" Tsunade bellowed at the jounin just before the door closed.

-

Five minutes – and about eight miles – later, as he had no intentions of being late in this sort of situation, Kakashi paused for a moment as he felt two strong chakra signatures headed toward him. Flicking his glance to Pakkun, who immediately hid, he did the same. Seconds later, his eye widened in shock as he saw Uchiha Itachi barrel past without so much as a glance in his direction straight toward Konoha. For a minute fraction of a second, he pondered following him; Konoha would need his help if Akatsuki were going to be that brazen in their movements.

He discarded that thought almost as quickly as it had appeared in his mind – Naruto was his first priority right now; Konoha had several ANBU and the large majority of it's chuunin and jounin present at the moment; including the new resident genius of the Konohagakure ninja ranks: Nara Shikamaru. And they had two of the three sannin also present.

Readying muscles to push off from his hiding place, he paused again as the second chakra signature closed, following the first.

Kisame, the second half of the Akatsuki duo. He was moving more slowly than Itachi, however, and seemed almost to be searching for something as he moved. Kakashi held his breath when the Kiri-nukenin's eyes swept over where he was hiding, and Kawarimi'd away as his gaze swept across him for the second time. He let out a slow breath from his new hiding spot as Kisame continued away.

-

Kisame was close to cursing the day he became a member of the Akatsuki. Itachi was fast when he wanted to be – faster than he had expected, and remarkably good at covering his tracks. Even behaving the way he seemed to be as he left, the Uchiha let his skills control his movement.

He was close to untraceable.

Had it not been for the fact that Kisame could nearly guarantee where he was headed, very little in the forest hinted at where he had passed – even jounin left some sort of trail if you looked hard enough for it. Itachi left nothing. Not a leaf was out of place to indicate his passing. The best Kisame could do was head toward Konoha and hope that Itachi hadn't decided to lose all rational thought due to whatever that blonde brat had done to him.

That was another thing that worried the Kiri-nukenin in the back of his mind. The boy had been completely unable to channel chakra – being bound to Samehada would have made that a certainty… and yet fracturing his partners' sanity with mere words?

Kisame had known from the first time he met Uchiha Itachi that brining up the circumstances that brought about his obliteration of the Uchiha clan and subsequent fleeing from Konoha was going to be a very bad idea. Unquestionably a mistake that would be the last the person who made it _ever_ made in their lives – but for the Uzumaki brat to have done so and lived was… astounding.

The boy had been right in one thing, though: Uchiha Itachi had never left anyone who had been in his sights alive for the whole of his career as a ninja. He killed without fear, without mercy and without any thought for the consequences beyond whether or not it would complete the mission.

Konoha had been stronger than they expected for them to have to retreat as they had the first time they had reconnoitred the village. Itachi's intelligence on village life and layout could no longer be considered accurate, as it had been many years before that he had fled. Among other things that had changed, the village no longer had a standing police force; now relying on squads of chuunin and jounin to patrol, with the occasional ANBU squad who were on enforced downtime.

'Itachi…' Kisame growled in his head, 'if you risk our goals for some mindless quest, Akatsuki will hunt you down like a dog.'

Fingers flexed underneath the dark cloak as he continued toward Konoha.

'Or as the weasel your name brands you.'

-

Jiraiya appeared in front of Tsunade with a sheepish expression – and several bruises – on his face. He bowed deeply – too deeply; it was a mocking bow.

"You bellowed for your humble servant and he is here, Tsunade-hime."

Tsunade growled at him, but decided that the security of Konoha was more important than teaching the pervert a lesson that he would not soon forget. She thrust the scroll into his hands.

Unrolling it and glancing at it, Jiraiya had almost the same reaction that Tsunade had first had. He went pale.

"How up to date is this?"

"It was brought to me minutes ago."

"Kuso…" Jiraiya said it so quietly if there had been a wind you would have missed it.

"My thoughts," Tsunade agreed, and then because since becoming Hokage she had tried to be basically honest, added, "Although mine were rather louder."

The toad hermit looked up, "I'll get my Oto agents on to this as fast as I can. Although… if they haven't caught wind of it, chances are that they have been found out." He paused, "Or are dead."

Tsunade grimaced, "I don't care. Find out. If Orochimaru and Otogakure move now, we are vulnerable. And if they move in the numbers that report suggests, we are dead. Akatsuki hounds our every step, we cannot afford to split our focus between the two. And we cannot afford to send you and Naruto away to keep the village safe."

Jiraiya started, "But…"

"I know that was your intention, Jiraiya, but we cannot afford to let one of our strongest nin's – you – to leave now. Likewise, we cannot afford to allow the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki out of our sight. What if he was captured… not by Akatsuki, but by Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya closed his eyes.

Tsunade continued relentlessly, "Orochimaru wants the Sharingan. But what if he decides the power of the Kyuubi is a greater prize?"

Jiraiya nodded, "We cannot allow Orochimaru to hold thrall over both."

"And furthermore," Tsunade persisted, although she was obviously near tears at even thinking what she was saying, "if the worst happens and we lose them both… we must… we must kill them… both."

-

Naruto looked up as he heard footfalls near him, but collapsed to the dirt again almost as quickly as he lifted himself off it. His eyes slid closed as exhaustion closed in once again.

He had no idea what that sharks' sword had done to his chakra - aside from drain it – but the only reason those two Kage Bunshin appeared at all was the sheer adrenaline-fuelled terror that his situation had placed him in. Worse, he couldn't call on the Foxes' chakra; something was blocking it from being used.

"Boy," Pakkun padded up to Kakashi's student and pawed him gently, trying to get his attention, "Kakashi-san will be here momentarily."

"Ka… kashi-sen… sei?" Naruto mumbled the name into the dirt, as if dreaming.

"Hai," Pakkun sat down and stared pensively at the blonde genin.

"Naruto!"

Kakashi landed in a crouch next to his student and looked around the area to check for further activity – be it friend or foe. He could neither see of sense anything. He looked at the blonde in concern tinged with amazement.

Naruto twitched, but did nothing else.

Kakashi's eye crinkled up as he smiled, but it was a worried one. "Now, Naruto… I knew you were never the most… elegant of ninja – but this breaks all of my expectations…"

Naruto cracked open an eye and mumbled something as he looked at Kakashi. No, not at him, Kakashi realised, but _through_ him, as if he wasn't there.

"Chakra depletion," he said gravely, before nodding to Pakkun who got to his feet and started heading back to Konoha at a slow trot. Kakashi picked Naruto up and followed at an even pace. Rushing would tire him out for a fight with Akatsuki, but moving too slowly could mean the difference between Naruto recovering or not. Despite his internal 'guest'.

"Pakkun?"

"Hai?"

"Did you catch what Naruto mumbled at me just then?"

"Hai," the pug nodded, and walked on three legs for a moment so he could scratch an itch on the back of his head with the other. "He said, 'Number one surprising ninja…"

Kakashi's eye crinkled deeply as he grinned.

Pakkun sniffed the air and looked round worried. "I smell fire."

"Where?"

"Konoha."

The two picked up the pace and took to the trees.

It was now for certain a race against time…

-

EOF.

Reviews make the muse content. Useful reviews make the muse happy. And a happy muse is a muse that wants to make me write more.

Thanks for reading.


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